If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
