i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
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