so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
