He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
