i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
