dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
