it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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