I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
you inspire me to be a worse person
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
