we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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