No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
