i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
