Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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