I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
