I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Randomize
