You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
