The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
