dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
