can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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