I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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