look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
