so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize
