Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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