Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
