if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
