a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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