I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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