Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
