I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
