I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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