Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
