How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i will never coherently bang her
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
