I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
