My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
