I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
