you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
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