Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
