You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
