She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
