My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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