If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
