ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
