im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
