somebody snuck up and got me drunk
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
