there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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