So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Everything about him screamed your future.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
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