i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
