What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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