he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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