I want to walk on stilts...naked
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
