My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
