the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
