I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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