Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
When did angry sex become our thing?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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