i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
