I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
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