Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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