I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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