Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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