chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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