It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
