if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
