were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
