the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
