I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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