I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
